Do Book Giveaways Really Work?

Your job, as an author, is to tell a story. Whether you're writing shorts about tragic romances or medieval political thrillers that go on for thousands of pages, all you have to do is tell your story, and tell it well.

Well, that, and sell thousands of copies so you can pay your bills at the end of the month.

Pictured: The kind of sales that make most authors salivate.

We rarely stop and consider just how many copies of a book we have to sell in order to actually turn a profit. For example, say you get 50% of ebook sales, and your ebook is priced at $2 (this is just an example, your numbers will vary based on publishing company and method). That's $1 a sale. So how many books would you have to sell just to pay your rent/mortgage? 800? 1,000? More?

If you're reading this, chances are you think that's fantasy territory. The idea of selling a fraction of those numbers, even if you have to do it by hand at a convention, sounds like a huge windfall. However, there are authors who manage that kind of overnight success. And one way they've done it is through book giveaways.

Or, at least, that's what you've been told.

The Legend of Mark Dawson

If you keep an eye on the latest success stories from fellow authors, you've likely hear the tale of Mark Dawson's success. And if you haven't, it's on Forbes. Even if you've never read his story, though, you're going to feel like it's all too familiar. Dawson was an author who put a lot of love, skill, and heart into one book, and because his publisher didn't do its job on the marketing front it went largely ignored. So Mark wrote another book, and decided he would publish it himself. He put in a ridiculous amount of research, put it up on Amazon, and nothing happened. So he decided, for a lark, to host a free giveaway for a weekend. Two days later, he checked his numbers...

Holy shit... numbers!

... and found he'd moved 50,000 copies. They were, in fairness, 50,000 copies he would receive no money for, but that is a lot of eyes to get on your book with a single promotion. It also meant that Mike suddenly had a significantly bigger audience than he'd had before, and they were all leaving positive reviews of the free book they'd just downloaded. They wanted more, and that hunger was enough to kick him into high gear. That was when he created the globe-trotting assassin John Milton, and started writing a series about his adventures. Which, in turn, led to a six-figure income.

So All I Need To Do Is Run A Book Giveaway?

Yes, and no.

You see, a book giveaway is not a guarantee that you are suddenly going from the poor house to the big house. You're not drilling for oil or mining gold; you're recruiting. Part of how successful your giveaway will be is determined by how good your book is. The rest is pretty much determined by how many people see your giveaway, and decide to take part in it.

Artist's depiction of Dawson's giveaway.

The reason Mark Dawson, and other authors like him, keep cropping up in our social media feeds and in the news is because they conjure huge numbers of readers out of the ether. Often that's because they work hard, they cultivate an audience, and they make sure to keep their readers happy by giving them what they want. However, going from nowhere into the stratosphere is caused by one, impossible-to-predict quantity.

Luck. Pure, simple, do-da, clueless, luck.

Hosting a book giveaway is good for your numbers. There are readers out there who regularly scroll through free offerings to make sure they have all the ebooks they could ever want. Readers are also loathe to pass up a free book, and if all they have to do is click a button to get a book, then they probably will. The catch is that your book still has to stand out in order to get readers to actually open the file. As we all know, just because you download something, that's no guarantee you're going to read it anytime soon.

So, in an ideal world, every giveaway you host will generate a legion of fans who have just discovered you, and you will experience a huge burst of activity as your new base devours all your other books like a plague of literate locusts with money to burn. What is more likely to happen is that between a few hundred and a few thousand (depending on your reach and how many people help spread the signal) people will download your free book. Of those downloads, a fraction will read it. Of those who read it, a fraction will decide they like it, and seek out more.

Speaking of, check this out and see if you like it. The first two stories are free!

When the worst case scenario is getting more readers who will add you to their list of authors they like, and the best case scenario is an explosion of popularity and overnight celebrity, there's no reason not to host a book giveaway. You should, however, keep your expectations reasonable. Sometimes the lightning doesn't strike, but that's no reason not to fly your kite the next time the clouds get stormy.

Hopefully you found this week's installment something you can take to heart. If you want to make sure you get all of my updates, then either plug your email address into the box on the right, or follow me on Facebook, Tumblr, or Twitter. If you'd like to help support me, then visit The Literary Mercenary's Patreon page, and toss some bread in my jar. Every little bit helps, and you'd be surprised how far $1 a month can go.

Also, if you prefer novels to short stories, go check out my latest sword and sorcery release Crier's Knife!

How to Stop Your "Everyman" Character From Becoming a Clueless Dipshit

Let's open this entry by talking about Ghostbusters. It's a classic movie, and it's become part of our cultural mythology (along with a television favorite around this time of the year). Three individuals who are both scientists and paranormal experts get together, prove the existence of life after death, and then build unlicensed, unregulated nuclear reactors to power wildly inaccurate ray weapons to permanently imprison the souls of the dead who are burdening the living.

But what about that fourth guy? You know, the one who was different from everyone else.

You know, the guy with no degree.

Winston Zeddemore was notable because, in addition to being the only black member of the team, he was originally intended to be the most intelligent and highly educated of the four-man spirit-catching crew according to commentary. So why the sudden drop in IQ points to make Winston the equivalent of an amateur exterminator getting illegal on-the-job-training? Because he was the everyman character the audience was supposed to both identify with, and to whom important plot points could be explained in short, simple words.

The Danger of "The Everyman"

The idea that your book should have a character who acts as the touchstone for the audience isn't new. It isn't even a bad idea. In fact, the bigger and more unlike our reality a story's setting is, the more these characters may be necessary in order to give readers some shorthand on this new world. Bilbo Baggins had no special qualifications, but got swept up in a madcap adventure out into a world he didn't know, and which readers discover along with him. Richard Mayhew is just an average Londoner with a job and a girlfriend, but when he stops to rescue the Lady Door, he becomes an unwilling member of the world of London Below, and his struggles to understand the world educate the reader on what sort of mess Richard has gotten into. Even Harry Potter, despite his status as an underaged plot device, was experiencing a fantastic world he'd never suspected existed, bringing the audience along on a tour in his wake.

"What are those things?" How the hell should I know? It's only chapter three!

The risk with using the everyman character is that it's easy to take a wrong step and turn him from someone the audience can understand and identify with, into a bumbling moron who becomes a parody of what he's supposed to be. In short, he ceases to be a character at all, and becomes a sounding board to clue the reader in to exposition. Once readers realize that's what's happening they'll begin to dislike the character. If it goes on for too long, they'll stop reading altogether.

How To Avoid The Devolution of The Everyman

The first and most important step you can take is to make sure your everyman character is still a character. He or she should have definable characteristics, a complete past, and a lifetime worth of learned experiences and emotional reactions. These characters don't simply show the readers the world of the story, but they have to react to the experiences they're being put through in believable ways based on who they are.

It was right around then that Watson got sick of his roommate's shit.

Take Dr. Watson, for example. He's a surgeon, a soldier, a capable man, and a veteran of a terrible conflict. Despite his intellect, though, he isn't a crime solver. Watson makes an ideal everyman because he observes what's happening, but still has personal agency. He lacks the knowledge and expertise of Sherlock Holmes, but that doesn't make him stupid or incapable. The world doesn't turn around Watson, or really around Holmes, and they have lives that are hinted at beyond the pages of their stories.

Because of this you never roll your eyes at Watson. Sure, you're probably more interested in what Holmes is doing, but you accept Watson is a real person, and you don't really question the fact that he's the one we're seeing this story through. After all, if we were seeing it through Holmes's perspective, the mystery would be over in two pages, and very little of the logic would make sense to us.

And now, here's a brief list of do-nots you should carefully consider for your exposition ciphers:

- Don't turn your everyman into a five-year-old who asks constant questions about everything. Conversation is a great way to avoid an exposition dump, but if you overuse it readers will get bored.

- Don't make your everyman just a pair of eyes. The character isn't just there to observe; the everyman needs to be an active participant in the story. It's what makes Michael Corvin in Underworld particularly dull.

- Don't be lazy with why your everyman is involved. Chosen ones like Neo and Potter work on occasion, but that deus ex machina has very limited mileage. A personal connection to someone in the cast, a stake in the outcome, or just getting caught in a crossfire will invest the audience significantly more in a character yanked into a situation he or she is unfamiliar with, possibly in a world that character doesn't belong in.

Lastly, Consider Eliminating This Character

Let's go back to the interesting bit of trivia at the beginning. Would Ghostbusters actually be a worse movie if Winston had three doctorates, and was attracted to the operation out of genuine scientific curiosity instead of being some random dude who needed a job and was willing to take risks? That will vary based on opinion, but was there anything complicated enough in the film that absolutely required someone to act as a translator for the audience?

Ghosts are complicated shit, yo.

More often than not, you don't need a character in your book expressly to translate things for your audience. Even if your main character is a special forces werewolf called to a secret meeting with shape-shifting clan chiefs, you should be able to clue the reader in on the nuances of power structure and rank based on the way characters act and speak to one another. If your lead is an alchemist mixing up a magic potion, just make with the magic. We don't need a clueless apprentice standing by and asking for the cliff notes about how the process works.

At the end of the day, you need to understand the story you want to tell, and what you need from your cast in order to execute that story. If you want to keep a little mystery, like with Holmes or Hercules Poirot stories, then you'll need someone else to tell the tale in order to keep the audience guessing until the big reveal at the end. However, if you want to write a story about a vampire mercenary who is part of a greater, secret world containing monsters of myth and legend, maybe you should trust your readers to pick up what you're laying down without the need of a plucky sidekick to ask for clarification.

Thanks for stopping by this week, and if you want to get the rest of my updates just plug your email address into the box on the right, or follow me on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. If you'd like to help support this blog, stop by The Literary Mercenary's Patreon page to become a patron today! Every little bit helps, and even $1 a month goes further than you'd think.

Become A Successful Author (By Setting The Right Career Goals)

There is no conversation opener more guaranteed to start a fight in the world of writing than, "what is your definition of a real author?" Some people will offer the blanket statement of, "anyone who finishes a project is an author." Others will be more specific, saying that, "anyone who is published is an author." Sooner or later, though, someone is going to disagree. When that happens you'll see statements like, "anyone who makes money from books is an author." And the list will continue to get more and more narrow until someone throws up a variation of, "if you aren't writing every day, and you still have to go to a 9-5, then you're not a real author."

Shots fired. I repeat, shots fired.

So, who's right? Absolutely no one, which is what makes the whole conversation sort of inane. Not only that, but oftentimes the people involved in the debate are confusing the word real with the word successful, and different people have different images of what it means to be a success. For some people it's that six-figure a year income, invitations to conventions, and the ability to walk into any bookstore in the country (if not around the world), and be treated like some sort of rock star. For other people, though, the definition of success might be a small check that covers a few bills, or which can fatten up a savings account. For some authors money never even enters their minds; they just want to complete a book, and share it with as many people as they can.

A Metaphor

I'm not in a mood for clever transitional material. Sue me.

All right, let's picture the writing community as a gym. There are the usual aerobics rooms, free weights, weight machines, stationary bikes, stair masters, and treadmills. You have an entire room full of straining, sweating people off in their own little worlds, interacting only briefly to ask if someone's finished with a machine, or to get a spot. While they're all there doing the same activity, each person is doing it in his or her way, and chances are they're on different routines, and working on different goals. Barny is retired, and he's there to keep healthy while working a new activity into his daily routine. Miranda uses it as a way to unwind, but she also likes the health benefits and how she keeps her figure. Jim is training for a marathon, so he's working on his time, distance, and endurance by cross-training. Sally is going for power, hoping to win a championship for an upcoming competition.

No one was sure what Harry was there for, but he had a shelf of these things at home.

The point is that being an author is a lot like going to the gym. Even though you're writing the same way everyone else is writing, that doesn't mean that you have the same goals as the guy next to you, racking out 400 pounds on the bench press.

Be Successful By Deciding What You Want

Not to get all after-school-special on you, but if you want to feel pleased with your work at the end of the day, then you have to be the one who decides whether or not you're successful. Part of that means you have to sit in your chair, put your fingers on the keys, and actually write the stories, novels, poems, or whatever you want to make up your body of work. Another part of it means that you need to be honest with yourself about what it would take in order for you to be satisfied. For example, do awards matter to you? Will self-publishing be enough, or will you feel you haven't truly succeeded until you've had a book published by one of the big five companies like Random House or Penguin? Do you want positive reviews of your book, or will you not feel satisfied until you can give your day job the finger and write full-time?

Successful writers know what they want, and they work toward their goals. If you ignore your needs, and don't set a particular goal, then you're like that person who walks into the gym with no plan, and no goals. Even if you're fit, and you have skills, you're not actually going anywhere by just working up a sweat by doing whatever, and leaving. If you decided on your goals, and found a routine that would help you match them, you'd see better results a lot faster.

As always, thanks for dropping in! If you liked this week's installment of The Literary Mercenary, then follow me on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter! Also, if you'd like to help support me then buy a book at my Amazon author page, or go to The Literary Mercenary's Patreon page to become a patron today!

Fire Your Muse, And Get to Work!

I see a lot of people going on about the Muse. These people talk about her as if she's some strange, ephemeral being who keeps inspiration in a compact like magical cocaine that writers snort in their sleep so they wake up with a head full of brilliant ideas. Ideas of such power, and sheer creative insight, that they will be unable to step away from their desks until, lathered in sweat and exhausted, their latest work is completed.

To hear these writers tell it, the Muse is a necessary part of everything they do. They simply cannot delve into a new project, or finish up an existing one, without a line or two of the good stuff she provides. Because without that golden spark, man, nothing you try to do is going to be any good.

Artist's interpretation.

Do you know what that sounds like? The most abusive relationship ever. It's only made worse by the fact that you're having it with an imaginary personification of an idea.

That makes you one of two things; crazy or lazy.

The Lie of The Inspired Writer

People have been trying to figure out where inspiration comes from for a long damn time. The Greeks and Romans, in typical fashion, personified the idea of inspiration in the form of minor goddesses who granted ideas to thinkers, poets, playwrights, etc. This fit right in with much of the rest of the culture's spiritual beliefs, which was that mankind is at the mercy of cosmic forces it cannot hope to understand, and thus simply had to labor under the whims of fate and the divine. So if a poet couldn't write a poem, it wasn't his fault. He was simply not graced by the muse that day.

We know better than this, don't we?

There are two problems with this mindset. Problem number one is that idea that inspiration comes from some unseen ether outside of you, and that only when the stars are aligned will it fire that mystical synapse that gives you great ideas. The second problem is the idea that inspiration is the fuel that makes the creative engine move, and without it you simply sit still.

Neither of these are true. I'm not an expert in neuroscience, so I can't say with any degree of certainty where the hell inspiration is born. I have found, though, that the more I read, the more I plot, and the more I write, the easier and easier it is to drop a bucket down the well and bring up great ideas. Also, inspiration is more like a NOS unit on your brain than the gas tank; you can get from A to B just fine without it, but the ride won't be quite as intense.

You Are In The Driver's Seat

When writers complain about lack of inspiration (or lack of motivation, since it often amounts to the same thing), there's a tendency to put the problem at arm's length. They want to write, they really do, but they can't. It's not their fault, and there's nothing they can do but sit and wait for the winds to change so they can get back to it.

If you want to get somewhere, you need to break that habit and take responsibility.

Own your shit.

For example, if your current scene feels wrong, it's not because the forces of inspiration are aligned against you. It's because you haven't found the proper solution yet. If you're trying to come up with a project, don't just sit there and wait for an apple to fall on your head; take initiative and go find something. If your beta readers and editors gave you feedback, get up off your fainting couch and turn that feedback into a better book.

Like I said in Writer's Block Isn't Real (So Stop Complaining About It), most writers are more than willing to keep their fingers on the keys when the project is fun. As soon as they hit a snag, or the going gets tough, suddenly their enthusiasm for it wanes. They go out with friends, watch Netflix, or start plotting a different book (one that's still got that new idea smell) rather than clocking time on the book they're already wrist-deep in. The difference between being the writer with a double-digit Amazon author page, and the one who whinges about how he is sure this time will be different, is how hard you're willing to put your nose to the grindstone to get the job done.

You don't need some magic fairy dust to write a good book. What you need is skill, dedication, and long, long hours in front of your machine. That jolt when the lightning strikes is addictive, and it's a high that every writer knows, but you need to be able to work whether or not you've had that fix. If you do, you'll notice something funny. Inspiration gets easier to find the harder you work; almost like it's a part of the writing process, instead of the all-or-nothing catalyst that makes the whole thing run.

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Do I Need a Literary Agent to Get Published?

To most starting writers, and even a few established ones, literary agents are near-mythical champions who swoop in the uplift the talented and the deserving. These men and women stand for writers, opening doors and fighting for better royalties, more earnings, and a bigger advertising budget. In the minds of many, a literary agent isn't just someone who helps you succeed, but rather the reason you succeed in the first place.

Twenty percent royalties, and a Christmas-season release.

Allow me to shatter that image by explaining what these agents actually do, and don't do, for you.

A Literary Agent's Job

The first step is to strip away the mystery behind what a literary agent does. An agent is a professional go-between, who uses his or her connections to act as a middle man between talented writers, and publishers who are looking for talented writers. Many agents had previous lives in the publishing industry as editors, publishers, or even as authors themselves (typically they've done at least two of these three gigs). When they leave the publishing world to become agents, it's kind of like how police officers or military personnel go into the private sector. They aren't in their old world, but they still have all the connections, reputation, and weight they used to, and an agent can use that to your advantage if you are the one being represented.

There are some places, like Random House, Penguin, etc. which require you to have an agent in order to get your manuscript reviewed. Or at least that's what they say on their submissions page.

Do You Need An Agent To Be Successful?

That depends on your definition of successful. If your first novel absolutely must be published by a big name company, then yes, you're going to need an agent to get you through the front door. However, if your definition of success as an author is pretty much anything other than that, you can forego the step of finding an agent without too much worry.

Especially if you can fight your own publishing battles.

You know how I mentioned a little while ago that agents make their contacts by working in the publishing industry? Well, authors do pretty much the same thing, so the usefulness of an agent goes down the more contacts and connections you develop as an author. Every editor you work with, every fellow author you meet, and every panel you're on brings you into contact with more connections. Not only that, but the more work you have on the market, and the more successful you are, the more likely it is that bigger publishers will lift the velvet rope without someone else vouching for you.

If that seems confusing, it shouldn't. Publishers are interested in making money, which is why whether you love them or hate them, authors with big audiences like Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Jim Butcher, J.K. Rowling, etc. can pretty much just walk into the VIP entrance and skip all the rigmarole. If they write something, publishers know they'll make bank on the book, even if the book is critically panned. You, Joe or Jill Schmo, they know nothing about. Worse, there are quite literally hundreds of thousands of other authors just like you that they also know nothing about. Big publishers simply do not have the time to waste reading through huge slush piles when they already have a stable of steady earners making them money.

The agent's job is to convince a publisher to take a risk on you, and agents who have picked winners in the past will be trusted by publishers. If, on the other hand, you're already making big waves and your books have become a phenomenon, then bigger houses may try to recruit you. Better contracts, bigger advances, and other benefits are all part of the deal when a publishers wants that half a million books you sold with your last release to be sold through them instead.

Hopefully this clears that up for you. If you've got other curiosities, you might find answers in my blog post Questions Beginning Writers Ask (That Experienced Writers Are Tired of Hearing).

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If There's Something Wrong With Your Book, Don't Just Keep Writing

One of the most common pieces of writing advice I've come across is to just sit down, and do it. It doesn't matter if you're tired, frustrated, you don't like what you're writing, you're internally bleeding; whatever it is, just write until you can't write anymore. While it sounds good in theory, it's a lot like suggesting that if you want to get to your destination, you just have to drive. Directions, storms, snow, blinding fog, none of it's really a problem. Just put your foot down, and you'll eventually come out on the other side.

Just remember to stop when you get to the end.

Pushing yourself through obstacles and solving problems to keep your book going forward is great. Sometimes all you need to do is build up some momentum on your project. Other times, though, it's a good idea to put on the parking brake, get out of the driver's seat, and have a look around to see what it is that's stopping your progress.

Learn To Trust Your Instincts

A story is a lot like a house; anyone can build one, but only those with experience, skill, and a bit of talent can turn them into truly functional works of art. If you were in the midst of building a house, and you felt there was something wrong, you wouldn't just keep building, telling yourself you could go back and fix it later before you put on the finishing touches. You'd put down your hammer, and examine what you'd put together thus far to figure out what's giving you a bad feeling before the roof collapses in on you and wrecks all the hard work you've already put in.

Right... NOW I remember what that was holding up.

Let's take the metaphor a step further here. Your outline, whether it's in your head or written down on a yellow legal pad, is similar to the beams holding your structure up. If you're getting into the meat of the book, and you feel like you're on shaky ground, it might be because one of your central pillars (character motivation, for example) isn't as sturdy as you thought. Maybe you were so excited to get to the big villain reveal in the master bedroom that you just sort of nailed some wood together, called it stairs, and ran forward before they could fall apart on you, but now you're realizing how shaky that progression will be for your readers. It's possible that at first glance everything in your book is rock solid, but when you crouch down and look, you notice that you forgot to tack down your chapter three exposition, and it's shifting out of place in a way that's going to make the audience ask awkward questions when plot holes start showing up.

Okay, I've finished torturing the construction metaphor. The point is that you, as an author, need to know yourself, your process, and your story well enough to have an instinctual understanding of what's wrong when the manuscript isn't doing what you want it to. If you're stalling out in chapter five, ask why. Do you need to change the setting for the scene, perhaps having a confrontation with a rival in a park or at the beach instead of in the cafeteria? Is it because you need to alter the tone of the scene, or do you need to put in more lead-up so the bare-knuckle brawl that's coming doesn't feel so rushed? Did you notice that your hero's cocksure attitude has actually made him come across as a jerk, and you constantly find yourself wondering why anyone would put up with his shit even if he is supposed to be your lead?

Whatever the problem is, don't flagellate yourself every time your fingers stop punching keys. Get out, and look around. Make sure you're not stuck in a rut, that your fluids are good, and that you have fuel in the tank. If, after checking everything that could be wrong, you're still not moving forward, that's when it's time to drink some coffee, and give it some gas.

Once you're sure the road is clear, and the only thing getting in your way is that you're standing still.

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If You Want People To Treat You Like A Professional Author, Act Like One

Several years ago I'd been given a freelance editing assignment from a publisher I knew. The manuscript he'd given me was one of the worst things I'd ever read. The sort of manuscript whose margins I jammed with comments, questions, and arrows pointing at major plot holes. By the time I rounded the third chapter I was so frustrated with it that the only reason I was still going was the $200 price tag attached to the job. To try and blow off some steam I posted to my Facebook that there were some days I really hated editing, and today was one of those days.

Two hours later, the publisher got hold of me, and made it quite clear that when I had a job to do he didn't want me making even vague references to it. Especially not if those references were to complain about how bad it was. So I finished the job, collected my fee, and took a valuable lesson to heart over the incident.

No, not "talk shit, get hit." That was a different project.

The lesson, in this case, was to comport myself professionally any time my words might be seen by anyone. That means that if I'm posting on a forum, speaking at a convention, getting interviewed on the radio, or just updating my Facebook page, I have to remember people are listening. Not only are they listening, but what I say today might come back and punch me in the dick four years from now, long after I've completely forgotten about it.

When in Doubt, Kayfabe

For those of you who were never professional wrestling fans, kayfabe was one of the biggest unwritten rules among its stars. It stated, more or less, that you were always in character. If you were out to eat somewhere, and your rival walked in, you didn't buy him a drink and talk shop. You got in his face, and caused a scene, because that was part of your job. You were an actor paid to continue the fiction that what happened in the ring was real, and to maintain that fiction for your fans.

As a writer, you need to do the same thing. The only difference is that the persona you're taking on is a professional author.

Trust me, it's a lot easier.

What does that mean, though? Well, it means that even if you think the cover your publisher gave your book is stupid, you don't go to your Tumblr page to throw a hissy fit about it. It means that if someone decides to sling a vicious tweet at you, and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "eat shit and die, motherfucker!" that you don't send that. That even if someone is coming at you with low blows, foul language, and accusations of all sorts of hackery, that you keep your head high, and rise above it. You maintain the image of the consummate professional.

Is that easy? Hell no, especially not if you're used to just letting fly with whatever comes to your mind, and if you consider personal attacks on other people to be one part art form and one part national past time. But, tempting as it is to vent your frustrations on a group by "calling out" whiners, fakes, and posers, ask yourself what you're really getting out of that. Sure, maybe it felt good in the moment. Maybe you thought of something so stinging, and so clever, you just couldn't keep it to yourself. But what will that kind of behavior do to your image? This is something you should think about, since people often buy a book based on who the writer is (or at least who they think the writer is) in addition to what that person actually wrote.

Sure, leaving a nasty comment on a random social media post might slip under the radar. Perhaps you can get away with the occasional bit of crudeness, or invitation for someone else to go and perform sexually impossible acts upon their person. As long as you don't, say, have a long history of homophobic instances, what does it matter if you blow your top sometimes?

It matters because there are always going to be people trying to bury you in shit. They'll accuse you of being a hack, of being elitist, or even of getting where you are purely because of your connections instead of your talents. While this is going on, you're trying to wipe off as much excrement as you can, and to keep your reputation polished. So why give these nameless, faceless enemies of your career more ammunition by acting like a reality TV star instead of someone who's here to kick ass, and write books?

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