While it can take a little experimentation to figure out where the Goldilocks zone is for your story, I have some advice I'd like to share with folks that might help you find where that line is in your work.
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| Because it can be tough. |
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Make, Model, and The Leaves on The Trees
The example that lots of people reach for when looking for a case of over-description in a work of fiction is the age-old chestnut of Tolkien's descriptions of trees, grasses, and nature. While the success of the Lord of The Rings book series shows this isn't a deal breaker for a lot of readers, this is a criticism that many people have lobbed at the books for taking them out of the story.
However, I think there's a more concrete example that fewer of us have read... the Deathlands series by James Axler.
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| If you haven't read them, hoo boy are they a ball! |
For those who aren't familiar with the series, it is good, old-fashioned pulp nonsense. A post-apocalyptic setting full of magic and monsters, time travel, ancient technology, dimension hopping, gritty revenge, megafauna, rad mutants, and more! If you like action-driven fiction full of absolute ridiculousness that takes itself just seriously enough to be entertaining (I'm looking at you, my fellow Warhammer 40K enjoyers), then this is going to be right up your alley!
However... this is a notable detail in the books that I've read that is a perfect example of this week's topic.
Now, given that these stories are set in a kitchen sink post-apocalypse where our heroes are regularly threatened by everything from roving gangs of bandits, to radiation zombies, to mutated animals, they of course make sure they are properly armed. Ammunition conservation is a big theme in a lot of post-apocalyptic survival stories, as is the difficulty of finding proper healthcare and medicine should one be injured in any of these fights for their lives. And what weapons someone uses can say a lot about them, whether it's denoting their fighting style, or their status in the wastelands, or even their particular skillset. After all, a pistolero and a sniper are going to have very different load outs and weapons.
With that said, most people don't care about the make and model of a firearm in a scenario like this. It would work for a military thriller, or for a police procedural, but in this kind of story that description is really jarring.
These kinds of descriptions happen a lot in this series, often to the point where it interrupts action scenes, and it causes a lot of problems for the stories on the whole. First, if the reader isn't a firearms enthusiast, they aren't going to know the difference between one weapon and another based on its manufacturer and model, which can be a problem because further description isn't always given. And when further description is given, we don't need the item's name, rank, and serial number in the first place to form a clear picture of it. Second, due to the nature of the setting, it makes you wonder where all these wasteland-wandering hardcases are getting such specific weapons from, not to mention ammunition that's been manufactured to those specifications. After all, many of these are 21st-century guns, and for them to not just survive, but to still be reliable in such a harsh world raises a lot of questions that never seem to get touched on.
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| And it can really distract you from the story as a whole. |
Does this make the books unreadable or unenjoyable? No more than Tolkien's love of trees gets in the way of his books being beloved by millions. However, it is distracting, and could be fixed in a few different ways.
The first is, as the title of this entry suggests, is to be a little more vague. For example, we don't need to know that a character's handgun is the Kimber model of the 1911. That might not tell the reader anything. But saying something like, "The gun looked just like the man who carried it; blocky, ugly, and dangerous," would get the point across. You could also just refer to a rifle as a repeater, or a bolt-action if you wanted an immediate vision of it in the reader's mind, without getting into the weeds on what specific entry it has in a firearms catalog.
The second course I'd take would be to give these items the same kind of introduction you would a character. If a weapon is important, then give the reader a full sense of that weapon without listing off its specs. For example, if you have a villainous gunman with a signature weapon then it might read like, "The blackened steel of the long-barreled peacemaker gleamed with a sinister light. It rode low in the tied-down holster, like an attack dog ready to bark at its master's command. There was a silver saint on the walnut grip of the weapon, but the icon was tarnished and worn; a testament to how many times the man's hand had taken up that gun, and brought down violence upon his foes."
Give an Impression Rather Than an All Points Bulletin
An all points bulletin, or APB, is when one sender broadcasts information to a lot of recipients. It's typically associated with police putting out descriptions of a subject they're looking for, or when a child has gone missing. These messages include important details, but they're meant to be facts. Writing descriptions in a story like that can suck the life out of your work.
So, again, try to give an impression of something or someone. Be a little vague around the edges, while still getting to the heart of what your audience needs to know.
Can you tell your audience that Clarence Brown is 5'11, 89 years old, and was last seen wearing blue jeans, a white tee shirt, black boots, and carrying a hickory walking stick? Sure, that tells us the bare bones facts. But consider something like this instead, "The old man was just shy of six feet tall, and while he leaned on a twisted, gnarled walking stick, there was still strength in his heavy hands. His smile showed he still had most of his teeth, but the scuffed motorcycle boots on his feet suggested he hadn't lost all of the missing ones to father time."
Should you know all the facts? Sure you should, you're the author! But the important thing here is to spoon feed those details to your audience in a way that engages them, rather than making them feel like they're being given too much to keep track of. Don't oversalt, and make sure that salt is crumbled so small that it doesn't crunch in your readers' teeth, and you'll be fine!
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