When You Should (And Shouldn't) Sexualize Characters In Your Stories

There is a particularly distasteful trend that I've seen time and time again in books, and it seems to show up particularly in thrillers and mysteries, though no genre is truly safe from it. And while this isn't solely a male author problem, my fellow men are largely the ones I see doing this time and time again.

What is it, you ask? Sexualizing the descriptions of characters (and particularly femme characters) when that is not the point of the scene, and it often goes completely counter to the impression you want your reader to have of what's going on. It's the equivalent of watching a thriller, seeing an interrogation start in a dimly-lit police station, and instead of the tense soundtrack you'd expect to hear, cheesy funk from a porn movie starts playing.

It undercuts the story you're trying to tell, is what I'm saying.

Seriously, guys... you need to paint the right picture with the proper colors, here.

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What Perspective Are You Showing Us?

Full disclaimer here, I am in no way against sexy, spicy content in stories. I got my start on the current leg of my career writing romance and erotica, after all. However, it's important that you use the right tool for the right job, and that the words you're putting on the page are done so with specific intent.

And this isn't just Men Writing Women... but a particular subset where anything involving femme characters is inherently sexual, and that is always front-loaded in a way that undermines the surrounding story.

As an example of what I'm talking about, femme fatales are a staple of the mystery genre. Whether it's the beautiful client who walks into the private eye's office one hip at a time before trying to wrap him around her finger, or the stunning Hollywood widow who clings to our detective in a way that feels more amorous than scared, we see that sort of thing in a lot of stories. However, the role of the seduction in these stories is often a double-edged sword, meant to cloud the investigator's judgment, and to make the reader second-guess what's happening. Are these women actually interested in him, or are they trying to manipulate him? Or is it some combination of both? How can we know where the truth ends, and performance begins?

However, there are stories in this genre where every time a femme character is described, it's done so with rigorous attention to her body, and the thoughts of the male character (or sometimes just the narrator) being projected onto her. Now, perhaps this is being done to show the inner workings of a character's mind, but when this particular method of description doesn't have a greater purpose in the story, it feels exploitative. Perhaps the most egregious example of this is when we get a Tolkien-esque description of a woman's body that just goes on and on, only for us to find out she's dead, and these are the thoughts of the investigator looking at her corpse.

This sounds like an obvious no-no, but it's cropped up more than once in published novels I've held in my own hands. Because unless you're revealing that the character observing the corpse is a closet necrophiliac who is trying to do his job without letting anyone around him figure out what's going on inside his head, this is just tasteless. The same is true when we have our attention drawn to every waitress, secretary, and passing young woman on the sidewalk, getting a description that focuses only on their physical attributes, and how desirable they are in the eyes of the observer, usually breaking away from the rest of the scene entirely just to let the reader know that if this were a movie, all the background extras would be very attractive.

At best, this is distracting. At worst, it reduces your cast of characters to nothing but a collection of body parts, making it hard for readers to actually grow attached to anyone in the story they're trying to read.

She was getting handsy with me... too handsy... I lost count after seven.

They key to avoiding this is to go more than just skin deep, and to try to paint a portrait of characters we see in a way that really sticks with the reader, and that is more than just a collection of physical features and a list of their current wardrobe. Does this character have a commanding presence, are they soft-spoken, or do they have any physical tics? Do they have an accent, do they move in a way that suggests a background in dance, martial arts, or the military? Are there prominent scars, tattoos, or other things that might give a hint about who they are, and where they've come from? Are they abnormally large, or unusually small?

Most importantly, however, authors should avoid what I'm going to dub Selkie Descriptions. For those not familiar with the myth of the selkie, it's a shapechanging seal that can take on the form of a beautiful woman (there's another version of the myth where she's a swan, as well). When a man sees the selkie discard her animal skin, he steals it, and forces her to marry him. The similarity with dozens of other myths of supernatural creatures who look like beautiful women is this; they're by themselves, minding their own business, and then a man decides that her existing while being attractive is clearly meant as a temptation for him, and everything is in service to their beauty, his desire for it, and nothing else.

None of this is to say you cannot have characters, scenes, or descriptions which are sexy... but they need to be intentionally sexy. You need to decide that this is how you want your readers to experience a particular character, a particular scene, or even a particular piece of dialogue. Not only that, but often there's going to be contrast as we find out more about a character, or see them in other situations. As an example, finding out that the quiet librarian is a stripper on the weekends, and seeing the difference between her onstage persona and who she is in her regular life, should have a contrast in feeling and description, whichever side of her we meet first.

People, and stories, tend to have multiple facets. You can shape and carve them however you want to best tell the story... but consider what you're writing, and the way you're writing it, especially when it comes to the femme characters in your cast. Because no matter how solid your action, or how intriguing your mystery, if it reads like a fan service comic script, your story is going to suffer for it.

You can still do it, if that's the vision you have. Hell, you might even lean into it as a parody, or a spoof of genre conventions. But you need to be doing it on purpose, with both eyes open, rather than just falling back on sexualized descriptions and stereotypes that are just going to be sour notes in your story.

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Consent on The Page (Nipping Problematic Depictions in The Bud)

Emily panted, pressing her back to the wall. She was wet from the rain, and her breath tore in and out of her lungs. Richard stood over her, warmth radiating from his body, his damp mane framing his face. He leaned closer, then stopped. He held her eyes, a playful smile on his lips.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked.

"Your permission," he said, a rough purr in the edge of his voice.

She said yes.

I've mentioned in previous posts on this blog how I started off my career writing romance stories for open anthologies. I also edited a few of them, too. Something I found during that period of my career that was both perplexing, and a little frightening, was how behavior that belonged in a horror novel (or at least in a psychological thriller) showed up again and again on the page. It was supposed to be sexy, but it set my teeth on edge just trying to get through the scene.

And since I've had this topic on my mind for a bit, I figured I'd get up on my soap box this week. Because if you want a scene to work between characters, you need to make it clear where the lines of consent have been drawn.

The Line Between Romance and Horror

I've said this before, but if you had to pick two genres out there that are uncomfortably close it's going to be romance and horror. The reason why I think they're so similar is in the execution; both require build-up, tension, and intimacy in order to really work. The audience has to agree to let you in, whether it's to be scared or titillated by the scenario you're laying out for them.

The difference is context. Because, as the old saying goes, there's nothing wrong with talking a moonlit walk with someone you love... if she doesn't know you're there, though, then this scenario just went from sweet to terrifying in a big damn hurry.

Case in point.

A mistake that a lot of writers make is to assume consent in any given situation unless it's taken away... but if you're not sending clear messages to your audience, then it can be tough to tell which of the two above fonts you're supposed to be reading a scene in, so to speak.

And for those of you out there who are sputtering about how forcing characters to state their desires in dialogue can feel forced and hackneyed, I want to point out that body language, tone, and action can convey your character's consent just as (if not better) than putting it in quotes if you can't find a good way to make that work for your scene. Because all you really have to do is show a character willingly participating in the action of the scene. If your love interest gets kissed, show them returning the kiss. If someone touches them, even if they didn't ask permission to do so, show what the reaction to that is. Are they turned on? Angry? Disgusted? In fear for their safety? What signs are they showing us as the audience, which we could assume the other participants in the scene also see?

That is what's going to make the difference between something feeling like it should have a smooth jazz soundtrack, or menacing cellos threatening to eat you.

Playing With Consent

Now, having said all that, sometimes the whole point of a scene is to play around with consent. The audience feeling unsure about whether the actions they're viewing are wanted or not is not a flaw, that's the feature. This builds a sense of anxiety, and it can be a vital and useful tool in stirring up the reader's emotions to ensure they are experiencing mixed messages; desire for more, but repulsion that says to stop. Feeling guilty, but perhaps wanting to have the decision about moving forward taken out of their hands.

You can still write those scenes. In some stories, that kind of scene is absolutely the right tool you need for the job. However, you need to make sure you're doing it with intention, instead of by accident.

"A perfect punch!" Well, I just sort of closed my eyes, swung, and hoped for the best.

Consent on the page is one of those things you need to fully internalize and think about before you start upending expectations about it. And whether your signals are overt or subtle, readers are going to pick up on them when they're present... and they're also going to notice them when they're absent.

To paraphrase another quote, "If both of the guys in the ring didn't agree to this, it's a crime, not a boxing match." Put another way, if you want your audience to have a certain interpretation of the action on the page, then you need to understand what they're going to pick up on. And, just as importantly, what is going to cause them to walk away with a very different impression than you intended.

Some more examples I've come across, both as a reader and an editor, for those who are curious:

- Depictions of characters (usually feminine and female-identifying ones) purely in terms of their attractive features, turning them into something of a fetishized doll. You see a lot of this in Jim Butcher's Dresden Files books, and it feels both overtly misogynistic, and really creepy. It clearly colors all the actions the protagonist takes, and taints interactions that might otherwise read as neutral or positive.

- The focus being placed mostly or solely on one party. There is a lot of this in scenes where traditional male leads are pursuing a lover. Descriptions that are all about the man's sensations, his pleasures, his desires, etc. come across as extremely objectifying, and strip the other character of personhood. Share the spotlight, and show us that everyone's enjoying this scene, if that's the impression you want us to have.

- Ridiculous actions being excused in the name of love. Everything from the full-tilt stalker behavior in films like Say Anything, to the controlling attitudes and expectations in books like Twilight and the 50 Shades series are, at the most generous, extremely tone deaf. If you want to show a character's interest in someone else, depict their interactions in a positive light. Show them acting like a human being, starting conversations, finding common ground, and showing respect. You will get a thousand times more mileage out of one character remembering how to make his love interest's ideal cup of coffee than you will out of big, sweeping gestures or actions that could easily be decisions of a dangerous obsessive if you're looking for a burgeoning relationship.

For more on the subject of consent in storytelling, I recently covered a great gaming supplement over on Improved Initiative. If you're interested, check out Consent in Gaming (If You Haven't Downloaded This Book Yet, You Really Should). It's well worth the read, especially if you enjoy collaborative storytelling.

Like, Follow, and Come Back Again!

That's all for this week's Craft of Writing! For more of my work, check out my Vocal archive, or at My Amazon Author Page where you can find books like my sword and sorcery novel Crier's Knife!

If you'd like to help support my work, then consider Buying Me A Ko-Fi, or heading over to The Literary Mercenary's Patreon page! Lastly, to keep up with my latest, follow me on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, and now on Pinterest as well!